There are two kinds of self-esteem problems: Situational and Character-based. Situational low self-esteem shows up in specific areas. For example, a person might have confidence in himself as a parent and friend, but expect to fail in work situations. Someone else might see herself as a strong and capable professional, but feel socially inept. On the other hand, Character-based low self esteem usually has roots in early experiences of abuse or abandonment. The sense of “wrongness” in this case is more global and tends to affect many areas of life.
These two types of self-esteem problem have two different ways of dealing with them. Situational low self-esteem is helped by retraining our thinking (“cognitive” techniques). We do this by identifying mistaken thinking (“cognitive distortions”), emphasizing our strengths over our weaknesses, and developing specific skills for handling mistakes and criticism. Since we’re not rejecting ourselves globally, changing bad thinking patterns will significantly increase a sense of confidence and worth. This is a form of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy I’m familiar with, having used it on myself for many years. It works, and is great for depression and anxiety.
Character-based low self-esteem derives from our basic identity, a feeling of being bad. Retraining our thinking as for situational low self-esteem does help. However we must also focus on the negative identity that gives rise to negative thoughts. Here we spend time on developing self-compassion, non-judgement and other techniques which probably need guidance from a counsellor. I don’t have room to go into detail.
The good news is that with time and guidance, its possible to feel a lot better. We don’t have to remain stuck in our negative view of ourselves.
Contact me if you want to chat about improving your self-esteem.
Where To Get Help
A list of phone and other services
Key Counselling 
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