This is part one of a very short series on how to retrain your negative thinking. This technique has been shown to be effective with depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and many other negative thought patterns. It’s known as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and I’ve used it for 20 years to help with my own negative thoughts. I can teach it to you if it seems helpful. By the way, as an Integrative Counsellor, I use a number of tools, not just CBT.

I’ve tried to make this presentation short and simple; hopefully here is enough to get an idea of whether you want to give it a go yourself. I won’t be going into the “why” it works here. But the basic ideas behind CBT are simple. It’s the regular use of it, the repetition of the technique that makes it work.

The parts in this series are:

1. Part 1 – The Four Steps
2. Part 2 – Thinking Mistakes
3. Part 3 – Examples

The Four Steps
The idea behind Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is that your thoughts affect your feelings. If we have negative thoughts, we feel bad. But often our negative thoughts are wrong. Here is a four step process we can use to retrain ourselves out of negative thinking and the feelings that go with it:

1. What are the feelings?
2. What are the thoughts?
3. Is that true? (Identify the Mistake)
4. Argue back.

For example, let’s say a friend hasn’t text me back for a few hours. I’m feeling bad, negative. When I’m feeling bad, that’s a sign I could use the four steps:

1. [What are the feelings?] I feel sad and lonely because my friend hasn’t text me.
2. [What are the thoughts?] Each feeling comes with associated thoughts. Thought: I don’t think my friend likes me any more.
3. [Is that true? (Identify the Mistake)] No. Or at least, probably not. My friend has always liked me and I haven’t done anything wrong. They’re probably just busy or their phone died.
4. [Argue back]. “I can’t know what my friend thinks without asking them. They’ve been a good friend, I’m sure they still like me. Besides, even if they don’t, I will survive. I will keep assuming they like me.”

This seems way too simple, right? Trust me, it works. It may not work straight away. It takes time to change the habits of a lifetime. Keep doing a little every day, and it will work. Make this a new habit every time you feel negative.

You might have noticed in the third step there’s a bit where you identify a “mistake”, also called a “distortion”. There are a small number of common mistakes or distortions we make, and it’s helpful to know what these are. In this example, the distortion is “Mind Reading”. I think my friend is reacting negatively to me, but I haven’t asked her. There is no way I can know someone’s mind unless they tell me. We’re going to talk more about those distortions in Part Two.

If it helps, write the four steps down and look at them whenever you feel negative.

These ideas are adapted from the book by David Burns – Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. You only need to read chapter three

Here’s a simple YouTube video introducing CBT.
Because CBT has been around for a long time some presentations get very detailed and lose the wood for the trees. In my opinion just the basic four steps above can make a big difference.

Where To Get Help
A list of phone and other services if you need help