This is part two of my series on retraining negative thoughts. Last time we talked about the four steps to retrain negative thinking:

1. What are the feelings?
2. What are the thoughts?
3. Identify the mistake (Is that true?)
4. Argue back.

In step three, we identify the wrong thinking or “distortions” that might be part of our negative thoughts. Here they are:

1. All or Nothing thinking. You see things in black and white categories. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.
2. Overgeneralisation. You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
3. Labelling. An extreme overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error you attach a label to yourself: “I’m a loser”.
4. Mental Filter. You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively.
5. Disqualifying the Positive. You reject positive experiences by insisting they “don’t count”. In this way you can maintain a negative belief.
6. Mind Reading. You conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don’t bother to check this out. (Jumping to conclusions.)
7. Fortune Teller. You anticipate that things will turn out badly, and you feel convinced that your prediction is fact. (Jumping to conclusions.)
8. Catastrophizing (magnification) OR minimisation. You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your mistake, or someone else’s achievement). OR, you shrink things in your mind until they appear tiny, e.g your own desireable qualities.
9. Emotional reasoning. You assume that your negative emotions reflect the way things really are: “I feel it, therefore it must be true.”
10. Should statements. You try to motivate yourself with shoulds and shouldn’ts. Also “musts” and “oughts”. The emotional consequence is guilt.
11. Personalization. You see yourself as the cause of a negative event which you were not in fact responsible for.

Each of these can be unpacked in more detail, and I may do so in a future post, but hopefully these are clear enough to work with. For years I had this list on my toilet wall. It’s a great way of quietly practicing with your thoughts when you’re sitting there.

Let’s try an example:
I’m feeling really bad after attending a social gathering. No-one really talked to me. Even though a few people laughed at my joke, I still suck. I’m so socially anxious and inadeqate.
We start with the feelings…

1. [What are the feelings?] I feel depressed and a bit angry with myself for not talking much. Also a bit lonely, sad, and hopeless.
2. [What are the thoughts?] I always fail at social occasions, they never go right. Even if people laughed at my stupid joke, it still sucked. I’ll never go back.
3. [Identify the mistake.] Mental Filter, and Disqualifying the Positive.
4. [Argue back]. “Turning up to a social gathering is still awesome, I won’t let one so-so experience hold me back. Also, people liked my joke, and I’m gonna enjoy that. It shows I got noticed a little. I can do this.”

Rinse and repeat.

In Part Three I give some examples of how to identify these “thinking mistakes”. Why not give it a try?

Where To Get Help
A list of phone and other services if you need help