In our darkest times despair may seem the only possibility. It’s so easy to lose sight but it’s true: There is always hope. Hope’ s not an illusion or wishful thinking. It’s not “for others, but not for me”, as I often thought when I was so so so depressed and couldn’t get out of bed. I’d hear happy stories about how others overcame adversity and think, “Yeah, well, it worked for them but I’m different, it’s not gonna work.” Dear friend, I was wrong: It did work for me. Please don’t give up.
Life can be utter utter shit, but no matter how bad things seem, maybe we can find a glimmer together? We might need support to get there, but there’s no shame in that. Even the most happy and successful people needed lots of support to get there and maintain it, far more than you might think. I still find life very difficult sometimes, and I rely on my closest friends, my journal writing, and my counsellor to get through. It’s not about ignoring our difficulties or pretending they don’t exist; it’s about acknowledging them and still believing in the possibility of positive change. Hope isn’t usually an energising confident feeling, sometimes it’s just the tiniest flicker. If that’s all you can feel, take it. And by the way, it’s not even a feeling sometimes. If you’re someone who tends to dwell in your feelings instead of your “rational” thinking, maybe you could take a little time to concentrate on this other side of your abilities. We still have a thinky side that can make sensible decisions, no matter how overwhelmed by feelings we are.
Maybe you can find hope in the smallest things; a smile from a shopkeeper, a phone chat with a friend, a moment of quiet reflection. Small acts of kindness and connection may remind us that we’re not alone in our struggles. Embracing hope doesn’t mean denying the reality of our challenges. I know it feels really really hard, I’ve been there too. I’m shedding tears today for dear ones who are really going through it. Hope means acknowledging our struggles, while refusing to let them define our future. We can still set goals, make plans, and take small steps forward when the path ahead seems bleak. Hope means reaching out for support when needed and offering support to others in return.
If we’re feeling hopeless, what can we do? Here are a few things to try:
- Practice Gratitude: Take a moment each day to reflect on the things you are grateful for. This can shift your focus from what’s lacking to what you have, instilling a sense of hope. Consider writing them down so you can look at them again later. Stick them on the fridge or the bathroom wall so you see them.
- Connect with Loved Ones: Reach out to friends and family for support and companionship. Sharing your feelings and experiences with others can provide comfort and hope. If you don’t have friends, even a small interaction with a friendly shop assistant or bus driver may be enough to boost you.
- Surround Yourself with Positivity: Consume uplifting content, whether it’s reading inspiring books, watching motivational videos, or listening to hopeful music. Positive influences can help nurture hope.
- Set Small Goals: Break down your larger goals into smaller, achievable steps. Celebrating small victories along the way can boost your sense of hope and accomplishment.
- Help Others: Volunteering or performing acts of kindness for others can create a sense of purpose and hope. Knowing you’re making a positive impact can be incredibly fulfilling.
- Seek Professional Help: If you’re struggling with feelings of hopelessness, consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor. Professional support can provide valuable guidance and tools to find hope.
- Stay Active: Engage in physical activities like walking, swimming, or yoga. Exercise releases endorphins, which can improve your mood and outlook on life.
- Maintain a Journal: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can provide clarity and allow you to track your progress over time. It can also serve as a source of hope when you see how you’ve overcome past challenges.
- Do Something Nice For Yourself: Just a coffee, a favorite snack, pick a flower from the side of the road, take a shower, step outside for a moment in the sun (or even the rain), watch that TV show you always find hilarious.
- Engage in Mindfulness: Practice mindfulness techniques, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises, to stay grounded in the present moment and reduce anxiety about the future.
- Pet the cat, or cuddle the dog. Maybe the neighbour’s cat is friendly?
- If you enjoy reading, check out Viktor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning.” It’s written by a survivor of a Nazi concentration camp who lost everything and everyone, yet coached himself to find meaning through his despair while he was suffering. It’s about time I read it again. Another good one is “Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers. It’s not directly about hope, but her very easy-read ideas will lead to hopeful thoughts, especially for those who deal with anxiety.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself and recognize that setbacks and difficult moments are a part of life. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer to a friend in a similar situation.
Finding hope may take time. Be patient and kind with yourself, reach out to friends. It sounds so cliche, to the point I don’t even want to say it, but it’s true: There is always hope.
Dear friend, you are precious and your life means something. I promise you this is true. Please know this stranger is writing it because he sees you, and he cares. No matter what, you can keep going and get through this.
Key Counselling 
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